My family and some mutual friends attempt to put me in the middle of their mess all the time. For a while, I always viewed it as ‘why are they putting me in the middle of their shit’ until my perspective changed. If I repeatedly tell them to stop or cut off communication from everyone who refuses to respect my wishes, I will not be in the middle.
Recently, my parents and my sister had a situation that has absolutely NOTHING to do with me. I detest the guilt trips they try to run simply because we are family. I have grown to believe that they feel I am not there for my family because I do not want to hear their mess. The truth is, I do not agree with how any of them are handling things. No one wants to hear that. They just want to burden me with their nonsensical bullshit.
I did not finish getting my degree in Psychology for this specific reason. Everyone wants SYN to listen and solve their life problems. How many want to listen to what SYN is telling them though? I am not a Yes fish and I never have been. If you come to me and lay it all out, I look at as much of the big picture as possible. If you are contributing to the negativity in your life, I will let you know. However, if you are not receptive to the idea that you make mistakes like every other human, I cannot help you. I definitely do not want to listen to your ‘woe is me’ stories when you refuse to accept responsibility for your actions, words, and the parts you play in relationships.
I no longer want to deal with people turning on me when they can no longer yell at each other.
So today, I say my final No to my family and any of my mutual friends who behave like this.
No, I am not listening to your repetitive bullshit.
No, I will not help you fix something you are not willing to at least accept partial responsibility of.
No, I do not think my life is perfect. I also do not burden you with the same venting sessions either.
I handle my own life problems and when I cannot, I listen to those I expect to listen to me. By listen, I mean I hear what they have to say and apply what is necessary so my problem goes away. If I am not ready to apply the advice, I shut the fuck up yapping about something I am not working to actively change.
It does not mean I love my family or friends any less. It means I want to retain my peace of mind. I hope they will step outside of their selfishness and respect this. They have not in the past and I am ready to accept they will not do it this time either. I do not HAVE to be burdened by ANYONE’S incessant problems, blood relatives or not.