Me and The Bug

“To be a happy person, one has to drop all comparison. Drop all these stupid ideas of being superior and inferior. You are neither superior nor inferior. You are simply yourself! There exists no one like you, no one with whom you can be compared. Then, suddenly, you are at home.”
— Osho  (via senyahearts)

was once told I’m arrogant because I don’t compare myself to others; still laugh at that grossly incorrect statement.

(via immorethanapoem)

#NP #13thFl #13thPerformingArt

#NP #13thFl #13thPerformingArt

#NP #13thFl #13thPerformingArt

How Active Do We Want to Be?

Since I was a little kid, I’ve always befriended and stood up for the underdog. I’ve become an outcast on many occasions due to defending others. I regret not one moment of helping anyone though; it’s always been a genuine expression of compassion for my fellow human. There was a brief moment of time when I withdrew from what came natural because I’d grown tired of helping people who turned out to be ingrates. Had to remind myself that helping others isn’t about ME so when unappreciative people pop up, it should be considered part of the territory. Instead of allowing that to deter me from helping, reflecting on all of the grateful people kept me wanting to give/help when I can, as much as I can.

A friend mockingly started calling me The Activist 7 years ago. Their reasoning behind the nickname was “you’re always standing up for someone else and attempting to defend people’s rights”. Every time they called me The Activist, it angered me; not because I consider activism to be something negative but because actively choosing to care about others interests as much as my own was being joked about. 

This wasn’t the first time I was “made fun of” for giving a shit about other people whose voice wasn’t as loud as mine, was terrified to speak up, or just didn’t have faith that saying anything would make a difference. Any person I’ve taken the time to acquire knowledge about that assisted in liberating groups of people, all possessed this inherent trait of wanting to be of service to others, whether they knew them personally or not. So it confused me that these same people claiming to appreciate what leaders of the past have done, tell people today that they’re wasting their time to care about other people this much. 

It made me understand why we don’t have VISIBLE leaders today fighting for our human rights, that we can acknowledge on a global scale. People ask why there are no Dr. King’s, Malcolm X’s, Rosa Park’s, Shirley Chisholm’s, Angela Davis’, etc. My questions are, what do we think these people are supposed to look like? Are we so intoxicated by the glamour of what people are supposed to look like that we’re missing what people actually ARE? Because there ARE people in the world who are doing more than the average person to get others involved and interested in being better humans. There ARE people who want to rally others to give a bigger fuck about our rights that our government clearly states we are allowed to have but oddly try to prevent us from having. Those people helping each other in Ferguson are a great example of actively caring enough to defend and be of service to others. 

Instead of making fun of those who stand up and say something, arguing about how people contribute and what they’re contributing, being pessimistic and saying none of this really matters, would it hurt to think and do the opposite? Enough of the same people doing the right thing WILL make a difference and cause movement that only seems like a dream, right now. 

All of our past leaders started out with an ideal they chose to fight for and gained the respect and support of others. Their beliefs grew on a vast scale and it got national attention. It took some truly awful things happening before the government took notice and said something HAD to be done in order for us to move forward in a positive manner or things were going to continue to get worse. We’re back in that same situation today and it’s going to take some people who are willing to fight, stand up to our government, and suffer moments of unrest and lack of peace. Pretending this stuff isn’t happening to retain temporary sanity and peace of mind is a band-aid. 

But what do I know? I’m “The Activist”, remember?

about Anaconda…

…Nicki was once a thin young lady. she took whatever steps necessary to turn her body into what we see in her video, Anaconda. being thin wasn’t her thing anymore so she did something about it; not here to discuss her methods. that’s an entirely different conversation for a different time.

as girls/women, we can still be confident, while making adjustments to our appearance. are we insecure because we’re tired of looking at our brown hair so we color it red? are we insecure because instead of wearing our hair curly all year, we choose to straighten it for a few months? are we insecure because we wake up wanting a colorful face, instead of a bare one? are we insecure because we have a nice body and choose not to hide it in oversized clothing? are we insecure because we choose comfortable, loose fabrics over more clingy, Lycra filled apparel? are we insecure because we had full 36C breasts before our baby and after breast feeding they deflated to some tit we’re unfamiliar with so we do exercises to get them back but when that doesn’t work, we get an augmentation?

the answer to all of those questions is, no.

I’d never seriously tell anyone how to feel about something on their body. I will always be an advocate of changing what you don’t like or just shutting the fuck up about it. harsh? I can understand if it reads that way. however, obsessing over things we can’t change or can change but just haven’t? THAT’S what gives us insecurities.

this Anaconda video didn’t make me want a bigger ass/titties, a 30inch weave, a different texture of hair, lighter skin, a smaller waist, or anything else Nicki owns on her body. it just made me want some fruit… and pussy. that’s about it.


Welcome to Passive, New York

As Andy Henriquez, a 19 year old from Washington Heights lay in his cell dying from a tear in his aorta, an artery that supplies blood to the heart, he asked a guard if he could call his mother just to say goodbye. For days he suffered in pain barely able to breathe as the blood made its way down to his groin. He request was denied. His fellow inmates knew something was wrong. They screamed and kicked doors in a failed bid to get Andy some help.

A doctor who visited him earlier that day prescribed him hand cream and wrote the prescription in the wrong name.

Hours later he was found dead on the floor of his cell.

This happened in April of last year, New Yorkers are just hearing about it today because a suit has been filed by the lawyer of Mr. Henriquez’s family.

In this last year I have been thinking about some things….

I have thought about the death of Eric Garner and the muted outrage that followed.

I have thought about all the black men who were set up by Detective Louis Scarcella from Brooklyn, who have languished in jail for years and are just now having their cases reviewed after it was discovered Scarcella was crooked and the silence that followed.

I have thought about how everyone just accepts that Stop and Frisk is a thing of the past and that the rights of black and brown men here in New York City are not still being violated.

I have thought about how slick it was for our Mayor to parade his black family in front of the cameras to get elected and how New Yorkers have yet to check him for basically being Bloomberg 2.0.

I have thought about those who live in the projects whose stewards, NYCHA, last year said they had a surplus of money to fix them and are now saying this year they have no money.

I have thought about how “affordable housing” here means you must make damn near 100k, yet no one seems to believe that this city hates its poor.

I have thought about the fact that this city has the highest rates of workplace discrimination lawsuits in the country, yet no one wants to address racism in the workplace.

I have thought about how gentrification of this city has made many neighborhoods I once loved and enjoyed unrecognizable and in my view turned its residents into the quietest, softest, most passive lot of New Yorkers I have ever experienced in my lifetime here.

Who the fuck are you people?

There will be very little outrage over Mr. Henriquez’s death. This lot of New Yorkers would be more outraged if you kicked a cat than if you choked a young black man to death or allowed one to internally bleed to death on the floor of a jail cell.

(via auradacity-of)



- Tupac Shakur

we needed him, i wish his time didnt come to an end so soon.

nothing but the truth.

(via evilmimz)

Sometimes Children Lose Their Mind

  • The Bug: No. Get me some food, please?
  • Me: When you find your manners, I'll find my ears.
  • The Bug: Mom, I'm hungry. May you please make me something to eat? *silence* And I'm sorry for being rude.
  • Me: Apology accepted. We aren't barbarians. We don't yell for food. I'll make you something to eat.
  • The Bug: Thanks, mom. Thanks.


i scrolled down for an explanation and there wasn’t one but i think i’m ok with that

every time I see this on tumblr, I bust out laughing

(via bluecarolinaxo)


Well done, sir. Well done. 👏👏👏
The 7 Codes of @theerkj @therkj #INNOVATION

"suicide is selfish"…

…and “anyone who takes their life doesn’t deserve our tears”.

Whenever I hear/see this, it infuriates me because what usually follows is:

  • they obviously don’t care about all of the people they’re leaving behind
  • suicide is a sin
  • when you take your life, you’re playing God 
  • we should be grateful to be alive; there are others who didn’t wake up this morning

and plenty more statements that NEVER take into consideration WHY anyone has reached a point where taking their life has become an option. 

I’ve had suicidal thoughts and ALL of them were in relation to everyone else being better off without me around. Most of the time I just wanted to talk things out because I had a lot of stuff swirling in my head that was confusing. Had life happened a little slower, giving me room to breathe after each blow, I can guarantee things would have been different. It wasn’t that I hadn’t experienced tough things in life up to that point. I quickly realized that I was better equipped to deal with things I had time to figure out versus an onslaught of chaos that takes more time to sort through than you actually have available.

Depression is weird for some people to acknowledge. If your family/friends are used to you being the person who is the voice of reason and appears to deal with life fairly well, they don’t expect you to be the one who needs THAT kind of help. A lot of my reaching out was brushed off as “life happening” and things not being as bad as I was telling myself they were. My suicidal thoughts were a result of expecting the same people who had cried, worried, obsessed, and confided in me about their life, to be there for me to do the same. I was overwhelmed with all of the immediate life changes going on and SO much was out of my control. I knew I needed help, just didn’t know how/where I was going to find it and who I could get help from when I asked or shared. 

Even though things were still up and down, I slowly began to change my standards/expectations about life. Two people I had recently become acquainted with, ended up being my confidants. One was a guardian angel for a specific period of time; the first couple years of that darkness, I pulled through because she was physically around damn near everyday. I had such a small window of time to end it all that it wasn’t even worth attempting just for her to pop up and stop me. The other person, is someone I constantly grow with and has become a lifetime friend. She’s said “I love you” to me more times than I could ever count and I never get tired of hearing it because every time, it is heartfelt. Both of them approached my confusion from a judgment free zone. I’m thankful they had the time, energy, and space in their life, to devote to me and my issues.

It took a minute to accept but everybody isn’t equipped to be our safe haven….even if we have been one for them. There’s no need to cast judgment on the depressed/those who take their lives as a result of depression. If we don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with others heavy emotional loads, there are crisis  centers/phone numbers they can be directed to. Adding insult to injury doesn’t help but extending compassion and empathy actually saves some lives…